Between Love and Devotion

I have grown up watching almost every cliché Bollywood movie there was to watch and those popular daily soaps on television as well. But I don't think the definition of love for me is similar to the one I have always been told it was. Like many other couples my age, I too feel the concept of the husband being pati parmeshwar (God) is rather far-fetched. A life partner can be everything for you and more, but a mere mortal at the end of the day.

I for one do not call my husband "tusi" (a Punjabi word for "you" that marks more respect than a similar word "tu"). It just felt unnatural, so we decided to take the high road on that. He is more actively involved in the household chores than I had even imagined my future husband to be.

And while women deciding what clothes their husbands ought to wear in the morning looked utterly romantic on-screen, actually it isn't. I only ever tell him what not to wear on a particular occasion, for that matter. I've seen women spoiling their husbands in the process of being an ideal wife, and then when their men can't even get ready without assistance, they feel frustrated.

And unlike the kinds of star couples there used to be in the daily soaps while I was still watching, we actually talk a lot. In fact, we share everything with each other. We don't take decisions without consulting each other first.

I love him a lot and he adores me too. But we still have our separate identities too. I haven't lost mine in the process of being his. We even qualify for being soulmates, if there's a thing like that. But we aren't oblivious to each other's vices. We know each other's weaknesses and bad habits and we try to be better for each other every day.

But no, I don't worship him. He is no God, and neither am I. We are mere mortals who keep making mistakes and keep working on being better.

And no, love isn't blind either. I used my mind over my heart all the way. The heart was let out to run amok only after everything was fixed and done.

So I definitely don't understand people who change entirely post-marriage: those who even become hostile to their parents who previously had been the closest and most important to them. I definitely believe that true love brings authenticity to the table. It feels natural to be with that special someone. There are no pretensions, no exaggerations in front of that person. True love makes you a better person, yes.

But if it brings out the turncoat, unenviable, fortune-seeking bounder in you, then either you were already all that secretly or too much television has rotten your mind. That happens when you begin worshiping mortals. And if you think I'm making no sense, search for people on the internet who've declared certain cricketers, actors, and even politicians as God. From Sachin Tendulkar to Amitabh Bachchan, I've heard people making a deity out of all sorts of people they barely know anything authentic about.

So believe me when I say that some people literally worship their spouses, even when they don't believe that they do.

I, for one even have a different relationship with the almighty as well. I don't go to a place of worship to blurt out filmy dialogues, telling Him how horrible He has been, how unjust. I don't even give Him a list of all the things I want Him to do for me. I believe my job is just to keep doing good and hope to be rewarded accordingly. No matter what I've asked for in the past, it has never mattered. Things have always taken their own course. I don't see the point in questioning His judgment anymore. I can only have faith, I can only pray. And He is the only one I don't doubt. I doubt myself, I doubt my spouse, and I doubt everyone else too at times.

I don't see how questioning someone means you love them any less. I don't see why presenting yourself as flawless is necessary. Those who say they are perfect often have skeletons in their closets.

Dare to be authentic. Dare to be flawed and be proud of it. Dare to stay true to yourself, and to your partner. Don't worship mortals blindly, I say. No one is worth it.

No one is all white as is no one all black. Some are different shades of blue, some have a slightly pinkish hew.

Love them all if you might, but don't be blind.

Also read: Is Arranged Marriage Nothing But a Scam?