How to Fight in an Educated Way

Have you ever been scolded in your life for fighting with someone in an "illiterate manner"?

Have you ever said some things out of anger and regretted it later?

I guess it happens to almost everyone at one point when you lose your cool and release your pent-up frustration that has been building up for years.

But then one question that arises out of it is how to sound literate while fighting. And the answer is not as simple as people might have led you to believe. First of all, let us talk about:

What being Educated Means

It means that you can distinguish between right and wrong.

It means that you do not discriminate, and are empathetic, loyal, and humble.

It means you have social skills and you are aware of the happenings around you.

It means that you are better than your ancestors.

It basically means that whatever you've read and learned so far, you've applied it to your life as well. For if you haven't, then what was the point anyway?

Now, let us come to an old saying that goes,

"man is known by the company he keeps"

An educated person usually prefers to have a company of like-minded people around. Gladly, people can choose that company on their own. Throughout our lives, we make and break friendships based on our convenience. A friend backstabs, and the relationship is gutted. If a friend suddenly becomes arrogant and/or bossy due to some reason, we break the bond. A friend badmouths or misbehaves, we decide to change our path and go separate ways, without even thinking twice about it.

Why do we do that?

Because we deserve mental peace in life. We all need it.

And it is totally fine to give more importance to our self-respect over anything and anyone else.

I might not like the habits of a certain someone but then the other person might also not be a fan of me.

It's okay. It doesn't matter.

We don't always have to break the relationship all the way through either.

We can do with keeping our distance. We can go back to being acquaintances. We can wish each other on birthday once a year or send an occasional festival e-card. We can have separate paths and still wish well for others.

I have a friend who has an entirely different political opinion than mine or mostly the rest of my peers. She has strong and unique points of view on many other topics in general as well; and in the beginning, we used to have long, often little intense discussions in chat groups. It took us some time to realize that we both thought differently as we had different experiences in life to take guidance from. But she in general is a very sweet and kind-hearted friend who is fun to be around. A little war of words now and then doesn't hurt our bond. And that is mostly because we never cross the line others do these days in order to win an argument. We do not start abusing or hitting below the belt. Most of our discussions end inconclusively but that is totally fine by us.

My husband and I also used to talk mostly about varied current topics when we were just friends. We still do now. But we have always had a civilized way of raising our opinions. We even listen to each other instead of just talking our hearts out.

What Crossing the Line Means

Believe me, when I say this I've come a long way and the people I choose to interact with now are very few. While studying, I'd come across all sorts of people, who mostly showed their true colors on Facebook itself. I have come across men who while losing an argument told me I was just trying to gain footage out of it. A woman I barely knew in university had started abusing me (in English 'coz she was oh so 'educated') out of no reason whatsoever, and had later told me we could discuss the matter in person. On a simple "no thanks", she had decided to block me away, and for good of her own. A moron I talked to recently had made fun of my health condition when he had got nothing better to say. And he thought he was winning the argument by doing that.

I find this kind of person the worst of the worst. They are simply not worth anyone's time. Also seven out of ten times, it is the menfolk who behave in such a manner because their egos are the most fragile of all. A woman being right is somehow an attack on their masculinity.

So as far as my close-knit circle is concerned, it consists of people who are good human beings, those who like to see others happy instead of being jealous of the entire world. I have friends who have stood by me during hard times, even when most family members did not. They have motivated me at every step, handled me at my worst phase, and pushed me to be better. They have laughed and cried with me. We don't even talk or meet regularly but we are always available for emergency chats and opinions on matters concerning anything and everything. They've been there for me and I'm always there for them. That's what true relationships are supposed to be like, after all. Even if we argue, our relationship stays the same.

And that happens mostly because we have a history together with the people we know. Every time a disagreement occurs, we get mad and take a break. But then we remember the past and make a decision on whether the fight is more important than the relationship or vice versa. Whatever wins at that moment takes away the crown.

Why are the Rules Different for Relatives?

I don't understand then why the rules are supposed to be different for relatives. We were born in a particular environment by default. We never chose those people to be a part of our lives. It shouldn't, however, mean we must keep tolerating bad behavior in the name of relatives. What is the point of being educated when you have to put up with (un)educated shitheads? I for once am long past the phase where I have to respect someone just because he/she was born before me.

How can you tell others about equality when your own relative calls you a guest in your own home soon after you get married?

What is the point of dealing with those who keep pestering your parents even after three decades of having daughters instead of sons? Or those who keep body-shaming you because they have nothing better to talk about? Or even those who think they know what careers are safe enough for women and what the ideal age for marriage or having kids is?

How are you supposed to sit quietly when the other person keeps attacking and mocking your simple parents time and again?

Why are you supposed to keep bearing someone who has always been the epitome of everything you've ever stood against?

If you can't fight those battles back home, what is the point of calling yourself educated in the first place?

And do you think a fight with the basest of the base is ever going to sound pleasant? And should it?

The least you can do is avoid such people as much as possible. But if they keep thinking that's your weakness instead of strength and continue barking, let your frustration out and shut the door. In their face. End of story.