Having Dead-end Arguments With a Pigeon

In many religions, it is said that you get what you deserve after death, when all your good and bad deeds are counted, and you are rewarded based on the result. Looking at the behavior of people these days, however, I can say that such a method of judgment can work only if people are not shown their mark sheets. Or else, a never-ending discussion might ensue, God being blamed for creating unfavorable and unjust circumstances that led them to commit half the mistakes, while the rest of them might not even be acknowledged at all. A separate committee might needed to be formed to deal with all this only and several deadlines might be missed, for the submission of a final report.

Because people just love to argue these days. And no, I'm not like those who blame everything on the younger generation. It's just that earlier we didn't use to converse with half as many people in a lifetime as we can within a week, thanks to the internet and social media. People haven't changed, it's just the mode and amount of words, that are exchanged, that have altered.

Coming back to the topic at hand, people just do not like accepting being wrong. They've devised many ways to prove to themselves that they're the most righteous persons on the face of the earth. And they've given so many names to such self-created methods of winning an argument too. Let's talk about some of those people today. Because why not!

Elders

There's an umbrella category of elders, to begin with. They're the most difficult ones to be argued with.

Among elders, the prominent ones are relatives. You just can't win an argument with them. Because they'll shoot you down with a long lecture on sanskars (culture, etiquette, etc). "Is this the way you talk to your elders?" they'll say. The problem is that no matter how evil a relative is, you just can't talk back. At first, you're told that you're too young to say anything to them. Later, they're too old to handle that kind of criticism. And you realize that the amount of material you have by now collected in the hopes of using it one day, the kinds of dialogues and smart comebacks you've compiled in your brain, have all gone to waste as you're sure they'll give the concerned person an attack or two.

But even if the relative in question isn't someone you talk to that often and might even be a good person, you can't expect to be allowed to speak much. Even if you've better arguments on a topic and talk as politely as you could (giving them more respect than they deserve based on their IQ), they won't tolerate losing to a kid. If that kid, by chance, is a female, you can imagine them being in mortal danger. That would give you some perspective on how they'd act. I've tried to have such conversations many times; never bore any fruitful results.

Once two elders started talking in front of me about how English should be banned and Punjabi promoted. My argument was simple. How would Punjabis clear IELTS then, considering how obsessed people are with going abroad these days? Also, having taken applied linguistics as a subject back in those days, I'd learned the importance of knowing three languages instead of just one. And being a kid, I'd been excited to share the new information I'd got. But you can guess how the argument must've gone down. So I'd rest my case.

These days I just silently judge relatives when they open their mouths to say something stupid, or when they post or forward a silly message/video on social media. Of course, many times I have to physically stop myself from posting a laughing emoji. But that's a different matter.

In the category of elders also come teachers. And they are next-level tricky. In school, we used to be pretty much blinded by the idea of idealism for them, which they themselves had inculcated in our minds. I'd had a chance of teaching students for a little while recently, and every time any topic came up on a teacher/mentor, their first sentence would be, "teaching is a noble profession". That has become like a universal law now. Now you can argue with your parents for once but with teachers, the dynamics are different. The latter can complain against you, they can deduct your marks, they can humiliate you by giving you punishment, and they can blame your parents for a bad upbringing. But don't take me the wrong way. I have an immense amount of respect for the teachers because of who I am and what I am today. But they're human beings too. They can be wrong too. Too much buttering can spoil the bread.

A teacher in my class had scolded me for no fault of mine once, and when I'd started crying, she'd told my mother that I needed to learn how to tolerate things because women are supposed to bear a lot after marriage. I was but a teenager then. A male teacher in our graduation class would often give us lecture on how women should behave. Students would rarely answer back, fearing he would deduct their assessment marks. Another teacher would talk to the class about his religion being the best of all, even though he was supposed to teach mathematics. One such teacher would rather make fun of all religions in front of us. When our class started answering back, we were labeled disruptive and the concerned teachers had gone offensive. And why not! In any other job, a person is hardly praised, so stays humble (or downtrodden). In this profession, one gets too many greeting cards and gifts to handle. It's normal for them to handle criticism poorly then.

Even if such minor flaws are excused, there's one major issue in the society I come from, the society of 'intellectuals'. Humanities as a stream was never an option in my school. Intelligent students were expected to take medical or non-medical in 11th standard. The average ones who hated science would often take commerce. Medical too was often taken by those who hated mathematics. Teachers would encourage you to study by saying if you don't, you'll be sitting somewhere in a bank, counting notes (as if that's a bad thing to do). Even a career counselor I'd gone to once had given me options. He'd told me I could either be a judge, or an architect, or I could do something in literature as I had a good command of English. When I'd decided to go for the latter, he'd told me I could've saved my trip and avoided wasting his time if that was what I was ultimately going to do. But even after getting better mentors in life, even after getting a better job than many aspiring engineers and doctors in my group, I cannot go back and tell those teachers how wrong they'd been. They're probably still teaching another batch how useless humanities as a stream is.

Even at workplaces in and around Punjab, things haven't really changed. You're supposed to address elders as sir/madam, and treat them with respect, while they're allowed to bully/boss you around. And they take offense when you point out their mistake. It also hurts their self-respect if you know about a certain thing better than them. Now I don't say everyone is alike. But there are enough fish in the pond to be pointed out. Freshers in such workplaces are often overworked, underpaid, unappreciated, and face petty politics when they start doing good. And then there are bosses who start hitting your self-esteem when they think you've got potential. But by now you've been trained well enough by everyone not to talk back, so you've to put in extra efforts to unlearn certain things to survive or succumb to injuries inflicted upon by them.

Hate Brigade

There's also a whole bunch of hate brigades on the internet, ready to pound on you if you say something they don't believe in. I'd once posted that I didn't like a certain movie. Many people had gotten offended and had tried desperately to tell me why the movie was great. For a long now I've stopped posting anything in favor of or against any political party as it offends one person or the other anyway and it's too much of a hassle blocking people afterward.

Years ago, a classmate had argued with me over a news report I'd shared of a crime committed somewhere. She had otherwise always been nice to me, so I'd been answering her back nicely. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she'd started abusing me. Perhaps she'd run out of sensible arguments to counter my remarks. The conversation had ended badly, obviously.

In another case, a woman I'd been talking to had been having a decent conversation with me. But a guy she knew had jumped in and had eventually declared that all I'd been doing was seeking attention, which every loser says when he/she has nothing sensible to say.

Lately, I've either started unfollowing certain people so I don't see their biased posts or unfriending them if they start posting insensible things or threatening to shake my peace of mind. Also, staying neutral for a while on the internet and observing things from afar, I've realized that people just argue for the sake of arguing there. A decent conversation goes abusive in no time. It's better to just stay away from that kind of negativity. I've also tried to understand and honor perspectives different than mine, an art that's slowly dying away, something that doesn't come naturally even to me at times. But it's better to talk to people who hold similar opinions as you do or have the decency to argue within the boundaries of general decorum.

Because there is no point playing chess with a pigeon, as a popular meme on the internet goes. Even if it loses, it's going to shit on the board and strut around as if it won anyway.

Also read: Life is a race between your kids and others