Shagun and Shenanigans

Money is important in life. But in India, it holds an extraordinary status.

Forgot to buy a gift for someone's birthday or anniversary? Give them money instead.

Can't decide what gift to buy a couple for their wedding? Give them money.

Didn't have time to go buy something for someone? Give them money.

It's as simple as that.

We call this money shagun, by the way. There are cute and colorful envelopes available in the market, to place this money in. You can write your name on them before handing these envelopes over. Because if you don't, the envelopes will be reused.

Not the money. Only the envelopes.

Keeping a Tab

Beware of what you give. It will be remembered long after you're gone.

I've seen and heard of people making handwritten lists of who-gave-what on wedding ceremonies. These lists are later referred to when the guests become the hosts.

Nothing is forgotten, nothing forgiven.

But don't you worry. This doesn't happen everywhere. Because some people have a strong memory as it is. "Do you remember your uncle gave Rs. 100 to us 20 years ago at our wedding ceremony? Let's give his daughter Rs. 101."

I've heard people keeping a tab on how many members one brought and how many plates they used up as well. Everything is being noticed, mind you.

Not Only Big Events

However, it's not only on big occasions that this adaan-pradaan (give and take) of money is done. This is supposed to be done when you visit people at their homes as well.

If the other person (be it the host or the guest) has a child, you're supposed to give them money as they/you leave. It's usually done when you meet them after a long while or for the first time. Of course, the child never gets the money. But it's meant to be given in his/her name only.

If you've invited a newly-wedded couple to your place or have gone to visit them at their place, then also you're supposed to give them this shagun. Some also give away old unstitched suits/kitchen sets lying around the house, but if you've already run out of that useless stuff, give money.

Money is also given to the kids in the house at festivals. At the festival of Lohri in Punjab, for instance, you've to sing to get the money.

When the Taker Becomes the Giver

Now, all this looks good only when you're at the receiving end. No, don't jump to conclusions. I'm not saying this because I'm being greedy.

Indians are usually treated as kids only until they get married. So we're not supposed to spend money in the elders' presence, nor are we supposed to give shagun. We're only entitled to take it before marriage.

Even a newly-wedded couple is supposed to take the money and gifts headed their way. Is there any other option? Can you say no? Yes, you can. But you don't want to hurt their sentiments. Complicated much? I'll come back to it in a while.

I got married two years ago. We were called to many places for meals, and many women came in to see me at my in-laws' place and gave me shagun. It wasn't supposed to be said no to, so I didn't protest much.

Then one day, we got called to dinner by my husband's aunt. We went, we ate, we got the shagun, and we came back. It was when my mother-in-law reminded us over the phone that we were also supposed to give money to the aunt's daughter, as she was also about to get married soon, that we realized we'd finally grown up. I can't tell you how much I hated being placed in that spot. Let me tell you why.

Acting Hard to Get

Nothing is worse to me than trying to convince someone. And making someone agree to take the money is even worse. You've got to have those tactics. And I'm bad even at bargaining.

Every Punjabi in the world is supposed to say, "Ehdi ki lod si" to shagun; which literally means, don't be formal, keep the money, we don't need it (but in a much more polite way).

I never even had many guts to say no to the incoming money. Because in the end, the other person is going to give it anyway. It's like a marathon. Every party has to win. And I used to lose without much of a fuss. I was always glad my mother didn't scold me later on that. Perhaps she also realizes the futility of going ahead with this argument.

But it's okay if you take the money, it's certainly not okay if you fail to give it. You've to pay it all back now. Do the maths. You owe every elder money. You've to give it to their kids now.

It Sometimes

Gets Harder

Imagine you already suck at maths. And you're given an integration question to solve.

That's what happens when you've to face a taekwondo champion in terms of bargaining. Some people just don't back off.

An aunt of mine goes as far as beginning to fight in order to refuse the gift/shagun coming her kids' way. How can you win in that case? How far can you take the fight? After all, you're supposed to reach home on time. Indian roads aren't too safe past midnight, you see.

But I'm glad my husband has got the skills required for such a situation.

Conclusion

So if you, in the future, see two Indian women fighting over who takes the money, don't be surprised.

They haven't lost their minds. They're both just probably strong contenders. Their egos are at stake.

Also read: Studying to win a race with others